I am SICK of music criticism. I don't know how to even put into words how much i detest music criticism, yet I want to write it... Aside from the minor hipocrat-ism, I just read a review off of Pitchfork.com about the new 'best of' Massive Attack, 2 disk album coming out. I saw the link for a review of the new album clicked on it while simultaneously looking up Massive Attack on my iPod and playing it. Its been awhile since i have bonded with their blissful album Mezzanine. (If you haven't heard Massive Attack, Mezzanine is the best known album to try out.) Ahh well that entrancing music that mellowed me out soon was a background to the absolute disgust that followed reading the review. Calling their later work "one total piece of shit" with "imitation" etc, I don't even go much further wit the quotes. Who writes such a thing and calls it a legit review of a piece. Excuse me for getting academic, but what qualifications does that show to call something a "piece of shit" oh yeah and I forgot the whole "one total piece of shit". I am not trying to defend the album either, i maybe have listened to a few songs from it once and have no real memory of it. Seriously why what is the defense to this claim! It's not just Pitchfork.com, but sometimes in the New York Times, Boston Globe, etc. I sit back to read a review and get absolutely disgusted... Don't even get me started with publications such as Rolling Stone or the guiltiest victim: Spin. So, now I myself am reviewing...

In an ever expanding world of music I can't help but becoming absolutely numb to its overwhelming genre juggernaut. Every time I listen to something it seems that the lines are blurring. What was rock or electronica is undefinable. We discussed this in my Electro-Acoustic class on Monday. That discussion was more along the lines of 'What is Electro-Acoustic' though. The end result was that no one had a real answer. New genres are constantly being created, some at times with ridiculous names. Post rock post punk pop this that whatever post me to the wall I am post modern, watch me disintegrate. I am just kidding. I am not hostile here either so don't think I have some vendetta to spit at postmodernism, a subject which I am still trying to concoct the least bit of connected thought to. Its confusing and I at times do not get it... But that doesn't hold me back from trying to take a stab at it! So if postmodernism says that we the viewer/listener can never really make a good assumption of what postmodern music is because it is always changing than what the hell are we suppose to make of it? How can you write a review that interprets something that really cannot be interpreted due to it's constantly changing state. And this is so true with many progressive composers/and artists/bands. They are constantly changing, never staying in the same state, what do you call this!? Experimental, progressive (not that stupid progressive rock context) Music Music what is it? Its kinda zen in the very westernized sense: but can't music be? Can't it be what the artist wants it not what everyone else thinks or labels it. Or maybe HA! Its all our personal perspective. That is one of the perspectives I always keep on tripping back on. All these perspectives individualized. Hell its the experience. Experience music... new GENRE! I named it! How corny is that?!

And I sit here wanting to go into musicology. Somehow, I question the very foundation that the profession is built on. Why throw a name on something, I know that everything must be categorized. Humans have a sense of wanting to just be obsessive compulsive and find order. But I don't even want to go there...

This week is busy with about 5 projects left on my plate. Something says, yes Meg go knock them off the list. Another part says go procrastinate and stuff. Oh I shake my head sometimes at how human i really am, and don't realize it. Few things bug me this week. Grad school kinda bugs me. At the same time its so far away and there is so much going on right now I really shouldn't think about it. I think the whole New York trip and Registration for May/Summer/Fall has got me thinking that way. I plan to do a piece, subject specific or history on the NYC downtown scene when I come back from NYC in april... Oh I can't wait. Everything else is just up in the air. 2.5 weeks till vacation and then 2 weeks after that and finals. Oh May where are you!!?!?! Its getting warm out, and the sun goes down around quarter to six now. We should all be thankful!

Okay, I have procrastinated enough... Creativity out of procrastination, how silly and circular it is.

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Well... Another fabulous weekend over, with a lot of weekending and not much homeworking or whatever... Oh these 7 week Spring stretches turn me into such a slacker sometimes. Either that or my brain is working so much during the week and it wants to turn off on the weekends, maybe thats it. Completely human. Yeah and I was steamrollered by a cold half this week, so not thinking was a good choice? We'll see come mid week, will I be squirming like a little meg worm or be happily doing work at a nice pace. Who knows, who cares life is a buffet of excitement anymore. Just pluck off an exciting treat and savor its fun. Goodness what has gotten into me tonight.

Nothing much has changed from my last post, I am becoming more comfortable with my state in the world. What a gift. Thats about it. I still have a million projects up in the air, due later in the month... Yeah... Maybe i should have used the weekend to get ahead on them... Right like that is in my vocabulary. Oi. I think I will dive into some Beethoven 6th after this until I get too tired then go to bed. So simple. Otherwise... lock and load with NYC plans being made. I have to contact schools this week etc. Brilliant report on Bedbugs in NYC hotels my mother told me about tonight... May I consider sleeping in a rubber suit? HRM how strange... I am sure it will all go off without a hitch, I can't wait (jumping for joy and hopefully it will be warmer then!). I am like a mexican jumping bean today... Its kinda odd... I am also making plans for my birthday that sunday of april break. Nothing too fab just dinner with parents and friends after the frisbee tourney @ Colby that sat and sunday. This year I want to have my birthday around here since its the sunday before the last 2-3 weeks of the semester, and I want my parents to meet all my friends and such it should be good.

Summer is looking wonderful. May term I am taking Creative non-fiction and a Pop culture class. I look forward to them both with great anticipation. Summer term I am taking music and writing which looks to be extra great! (with trips to places and such!) and hopefully an individualized study in traditional music comp. I can't wait to actually compose its probably going to be a headache but thats okay with me! As for work this summer, I am going to do something... yeah.. well I am not quite sure yet. I still have the Stephen Hartke - King of the Sun presentation for May (yip yip!!) and then I believe there is talk of mastering the stuff in the lab (all the toys are FINALLY supposed to come in this week). Then there is something to do with the Joyce concert, not sure what it is or if there is anything. I am sure there will be something really super coming up, just not sure yet. I can't wait to move into my new apartment downtown (less car usage!!! YAY!!!) and be right there. If I want a bagel I can walk across the street, If I want to go to the bar its right there.. So NICE. The apartment has a great view to the south west too so possibly good sunset viewing. So many things...

So, I came up with something interesting last night. If anything this weekend was a weekend for movies. First was V for Vendetta... MY GOODNESS that has been the BEST movie I have seen since Hitchhikers... I want to go see it about ohhh well 10 more times. Incredibly intelligent and witty and highly entertaining. It really caught me little toe! But the entire point of this movie talk is somehow related to music... Yes, V for Vendetta did play some of the classical top 40.. Beethoven's 5th, Tchaikovsky's 1812 overture (funny its on the classical top 10 on iTunes right now, Vendetta related?) and the whole "do you like music line" flash to everything in the movie... Okay now I am out there. Totally unrelated to my new obsession with Vendetta is the movie Good Night and Good Luck. I was at first not so impressed with the movie in terms of breaking ground. However in further assessment I am quite impressed with it and find it to be a throwback to when films were made that way. It will stand in its own right a classic in cinematic brilliance just for trying to be honest and not throwing the viewer thrills by the moment, unlike its counterpart Vendetta. Goodnight really is staying with me now. Good... BUT GETTING TO MY MAIN POINT, Bear with me I am long winded.... I was struck by the scene in the elevator where one of the bosses got on at the Columbia records floor.. There were logos in the background of Columbia records (the pop one, I don't remember the full name) and Columbia Masterworks. Now, it hit me that wow at that time classical and popular music were equal. In fact probably classical sold more records. I being 21 have never lived during a time when classical music had any dominance, only where its market share was very little. Where in a music store its section was bigger than say hip hop or electronica (well... maybe at some stores all depends..). And I shook my head. That the majority of time itself from the middle ages to the mid 20th C this genre we call classical was the the dominant genre and now my entire little life has been spent in the minority of time. Yeah anyway weird thoughts I thought I would share. I live in such a wonderfully strange time in music, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

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So, since I have a few minutes to be open minded before friday (after this next class basically I am writing writing writing). Before I get all humbly bumbly out of it and such I would like to reflect on things so far since last week. Very good things in life I must say. I resolved my issue of playing my Quilisma stuff live by actually playing a gig! I was asked to play, by the Art Renegades, a gig at the UMF Art Gallery. Basically I said this is an experiment and thats that let it all go. I played one of the Four2Minutes songs: Eminent Tension. Then I was joined by a friend for my first EA improvisation. What a blast that was... At one point i was playing my keyboard with my feet, and of course I have learned to develop how to play bow on guitar, which creates such a wonderful range of sound, and intensity. Then Jennie and I played out 3rd or 4th try at the Violin improvisation. Before the show we recorded one... And it is pretty good compared to what we played at the show, but hey it's all good and it was very fun. In retrospect, what an important show to continue to begin my career as a sound artist/experimentalist. This morning I played with my ElectroAcoustic class doing some random improvisation. Overall, well it was okay too many cooks in the kitchen, we need smaller groups better interaction and such between people and keys.

To visit the Quilisma MySpace:
http://www.myspace.com/quilisma
I will be putting up more stuff in the future...

I have taken the initiative to trying to resolve my frustration over score analysis. Well I asked for help got it and now it has in ways opened doors. I am currently analyzing three pieces: Beethoven's 6th symphony (some movements) and his Op. 135 Quartet also Monteverdi's Nisi Dominus. I have some tools in my belt its just getting my hands to pick them up and use them. Now, I feel like I can actually move my arms and make some progress ripping apart the structures of these wonderful pieces.

I also have opened up to Beethoven. Oh what a wonderful man. Last week we so weren't getting along, I wanted him to go away... Even though he is already dead? I am strange. Anyway I am resolving the issues with the great. I have a bust of Beethoven I got at the Beethoven Haus in Bohn Germany when I was there two years ago. My friends all told me to turn it around on top of my bookcase. I didn't cause I thought that would have been mean and really odd. Wow I totally lost my focus.... Anyway what I realized is that once we get the cobwebs all cleared out and the fog diminishes Beethoven and Monteverdi are so clear compared to some 20th C stuff (no kidding...) Yeah, well I really don't know what it is, maybe I am just gaining more depth perception in the area I need the most. Hopefully after 2 papers and a presentation after friday I will be able to compose this weekend a little. I am really psyched about EA. What I am not so psyched about is one NY trip being crossed out... Yep.. Oh well, now... I have to go in April whoopee! We'll see there are a lot of contenders against the idea... But thats a whole other story. I feel like a dog chasing its tail now. Okay I am gone.

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So, I (and my friend Jennie as well) have come to the realization that everything in life right now seems to be going our way for some odd, strange, weird reason. And yes, sometimes I sit here or at school with a certain inner peace feeling in my gut, which is wonderful. It's been happening often and it surprises me! I feel as if I am doing what I was made to do, I was put here to do this to think and act and be this way. We've agreed that we shouldn't contemplate the subject, pick it a part, try to figure it out, but simply go with it. And that is exactly what I am trying to do. I know I might not be completely clear here but everything this semester so far (well minus some minor things) has gone absolutely and completely amazing. SO MANY THINGS ARE HAPPENING ITS INCREDIBLE.

And if I was to write about all of them here I would be here for a few hours... that I don't have cause I've been playing with sound all day and not homework, but thats okay I can manage.

As if I have been hit over the head and coming out of some sort of amnesia, I feel as if I have opened a new part of my brain. Where I can learn things, absorb them incredibly quickly and figure things out without the previous effort I had to make to figure them out. For some reason the click has happened or will continue to occur. It's odd yet wonderful. I still feel like I know nothing though... And i guess thats the best part, learning is life long... Somedays I wish i had a button or a switch called Back Up or better yet! Pan Out so I can realize and see where I have come and where I am going. I never realize what I've done until it smacks me in the face... If I got a paper out from last year at this time I would probably put it down half way through reading it in amazement. for two reasons: one- its not the best and two- geeze um I guess I have come along way.
It's been FIVE WEEKS since the concert and I still feel as if I am back 4 or 3 weeks ago... Recovering in the weirdest way. I have new projects which are INCREDIBLY EXCITING, but to get into a different motion after 8 months of the same composers is a gear shift, its happening.... just slowly. I see myself getting totally engaged really soon, but still its odd.
Where does time go... Where does the Weekend go... goodness...

I am taking a chance this Spring, and throwing myself ahead into the future (what a stupid sentence...). I was talking about this last night with friends... I still like it here in Farmington too much, I want to begin to lose it, and thought I would a little after everything this semester but I still like it... too much. No, this is not a bad thing...
So my impulse to this feeling is to throw myself ahead so over my next break I will go to New York and discover the city and the grad schools I am looking at. I will go to New York City twice this Spring/Early summer, and I look forward to it with incredible anticipation. I have a year and a half left here in Farmington, but I want to start early, make sure I want to go to NY or Boston make that choice without restrictions. I can't imagine living there, I think it would go incredibly quick... A lot of work in a very short period of time. So yeah, until the time comes I don't know what it will be like, nor do I want to spend the time thinking about it a lot, there's too much to do before I get there!!!

Compositionally, things are getting really exciting. I am finishing four2minutes...... I have one more piece I have a quasi-sketch for it in my head. I might do a 6 track EP with the four2minutes and with a few other compositions on it and release it... Then of course.. My big AIR piece (meaning I talk about it more than I compose it, it means one of two things, I am too busy to do it or I just don't make the time.) The Italian Catalogs I think are going to take forever, but they are next... Already close to a year now waiting.. Oh boy... HA!
Another concern of mine is actually playing my pieces live. I am thinking of arrangements, wrapping my head around the thought. I am sure with some practice everything will come together quickly, but there are a bunch of shows coming up which I would like to play and so this issue is rather important. Another element I would like to throw into my possible live act is a 'piece on the spot' create it there. I think this would be wonderful, and could open up new works. What a challenging prospect but hell, why not. We are getting all the new Toys in the lab this week, and of course I get to play with them all at a great length!! I am glad this week isn't that intense, cause I will be playing ALOT!!!!!

I am done here for now. Night.

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