So things have been quite heavy. No reason why to go into it, ahem see above. However, I should reflect on how I am at the end of my undergraduate career and where exactly will I be at in 2, 3, 6, 12 months time is a clueless answer to ask. Gee, I really don't know what I will be doing at all, or how I will be doing it. My goal since I was a measly, putrid (okay that was for giggles) freshman was to go to grad school. This is something I really really really want to do. I had a nice list of schools but it's being revised a little as I go. I find the process to be a commitment, a total commitment I am willing to accept no questions asked. However, the ideas (that do run in most peoples minds): will I get in, what if I don't, what will I do, how did I get here? (yes, that last one is a take off of the talking heads...) is frankly a little daunting. These are realistic thoughts though. Therefore, one must have many plans of action. I am currently building those. So, my semester starts one week from today and I am really looking forward to it (and my new MacBook Pro -possibly new iPod? Next wed there is a big announcement!) alot. I am going to be swept up in papers, assignments, TAing, etc etc and not realize when December hits that gee I am leaving Farmington. I do want to leave and I don't want to leave. Nostalgia? Whatever? Who knows, it will always be here - yet I like the idea of the rest of the world at this moment (if you have read some of my other entries this last sentence seems to be a constant theme in my blog writing, maybe cause I am over-suppressing the true sadness I will have when I finally leave???)
I just feel so confined as an undergrad right now. Do this do that, jump through hoops, a lack of recognition, it is this way or that, one way street directly to graduation do not pass go do not collect any money but owe it forever! Yay, lots of reasons to be happy (sic). Apparantly it seems that a bachelors degree means nothing, kinda like a HS diploma. It's just a piece of paper. Yes, you can not go to grad school without one, but what does it all come down to? I've got a brain, ideas opinions etc - value them, look at their worth, please?
So with a slightly 'not knowing the future of anything, nothing is settled in my life' attitude I burst forth into my last semester of my undergraduate career. Lets hope in the spring time I can say I have a graduate career to look forward to (if not maybe a job?).
