I am thinking about grad school all the time, and how I want to be on top, ready for anything. Everytime I open up a score I cringe anymore it's scary. I can read it, that's no problem. But gosh why can't I pick out chords and find the right themes and all that jazz. I am not sure if I am supposed to or not I just need to find something. It's like literary analysis, which is insanely easy compared to this, but you have to search through all the words, in this case the notes, to be able to find motives and special things. I find some rather interesting things sometimes, so I have to give myself that, but this whole thing and the million themes in this damn first movement it driving me nuts. Of course the fact that I recently mis-read about 5 books doesn't help either. Oh to be a student... all the trials and tribulations and every little thing. I keep on asking myself what is your problem why can't you see this? 1- maybe because I am 22 and well a novice of theoretical analysis, and 2- I need to just get over the fact that everyone else had to learn it the same way that i did and it just didn't come to them in 2.5 seconds or like some act of god or something like that. Thats ridiculous to think that. Yes grad school is looming on my horizon, and I have a lot to think about that particular subject. If I had my way, I would only do score analysis all the time, that would be my only homework so I would become wicked mad good (wow that was so scholarly...) about it. Then again I might just get that one day and be shaking my head in the horror of that experience... I must sound like a musical psychopath by now. I care to much, I love what I am doing too much, and I just want to be the best I can be at it (and one day teach a poor kid like myself the same thing). I'll break through someday.
