Now, that I have skirted around the point of this post for a nice long paragraph what I am trying to say is, this is it, due or die. I am a little slow sometimes not realizing that this is a one time thing - get it right or struggle to get it right with some sort of focus as you are being pulled by 20,000 other things in a million directions. Somehow I will get to grad school, its a weird mix of emotions to describe it, or I'll be so wonderfully numb by that point that who knows Ill be able to get through it. So yes I am over reacting life is how you make it this is how I make it. Basically I fell upon (ouch) the fork with 30 prongs in the road. I realized well I am at the top of the mountain of my undergrad right now (kinda I am speaking metaphorically) and I am going to have a long rocky descending sweep which will lead me now through possibly a new/modified major. Music/Writing with a history minor. Sounds good right, easy enough sure... (my iPod just shuffled out 3 Radiohead songs in a row, I am starting to level out a little...) Well it is and it isn't. I've been playing hide and go seek in a building with many doors but only hiding in the hallways, suddenly some doors are cracked and all kinds of colored light is coming out. Yes, there are new things on the table all of a sudden. Its rather unfortunate that its November and lots of places have yet to post their summer school programs. Many new ideas, classes, getting out of Farmington for my sanity of seeing the world, etc... I have been gravitating towards the idea of heading to Boston or especially the NYC area for this little academic adventure/ possible grad school settling. This scares me I admit, I am not ready to leave here yet; I will in due time, its starting to feel that way, but not yet. If I can stuff away my judgement I would love to go into a world where there are people with strong opinions and egos and clash with them, the giant boxing match of life. Can I take it, hell yeah I've gone through enough BS at times in my life that I can do anything, and its been my motto forever, if Meg is going to do it move the heck out of the way cause I damn will - any way possible. Anyway something inside me says run like the wind something else says caution. Then there is a third thing saying put the dukes up and fight it out till the bloody end. What a mixed message (I can't wait to read this post in 6 months I can already hear the laughing). Oh yeah and there is a fourth big thing that just came out recently: give up everything for the study of music. I think this is one of the scariest and most exhilarating things that has ever passed through my psyche. Hard to believe I want to just take everything extra (by this I mean pretty much everything non musical... yeah a little frightening), erase it and only have books classes and knowledge, be immersed in it. I must contemplate this more, it seems like a gamble but it might be the risk I need. Then again I might be wrong...
